Sigh...it has been a night.

I'm starting a "new label" for my "new" blog. {smile} I'm trying to let this thing develop naturally addressing things from my personal life interests and experiences.

Some of you may know (although it is very new news and this may function as a bit of an pre-announcement) but I have recently become engaged. Engaged to a very sweet, strong, and dedicated man who I look forward to spending the rest of my life with. Sometimes you just know and this for me is one of those times and I feel very at peace with these decisions and really excited for whats to come in my life. With all that said I am biting into a bit of a challenge...Becoming a step-parent. I watched both my parents go through it and my older brother (bravely to four boys). While I can't claim that as my feat, I can admire his determination and strength while going through the experience with one little boy; Julian...who is three.

My new blog label will be "parenting." I post a lot of pictures of our fun times together, trips we've taken, hopefully a Christmas blog will go up soon (a little late), and just fun around the house with pets; but recently our time with Julian has expanded as our time has gotten more stable. In fact, we spend Wednesday evening through morning and Friday evening through Monday morning with him. There is a lot of flexibility for both immediate parents and I still have time with Bobby...but that is counting four nights a week of parenting. When he is gone we miss him and naturally the increase in time has made interacting with him easier in a lot of ways, regardless of the joy it is our responsibility when he is around to help him grow which is not always easier. What makes this responsibility even harder is trying to develop a new relationship at the same time. We are pretty close, but the first three years of his life he did not know me and vice-versa...we're just figuring each other out.

Tonight and this week new challenges have presented themselves. I call them "the whining-three-year-old." He wants something he cries, he doesn't get something he cries, he doesn't understand something, you guessed it, he cries. Three-year-olds are not emotionally developed enough to explain their feelings appropriately and cannot always find the words to express what they mean. Instead they will often respond with tantrums or unexplained and unusual behavior. I was comforted by the flood of forums of parent/three-year-old delima's online and likewise happy for the in-site. You want to reason with them, it would be inappropriate to use bribery and it certainly won't help to get mad. Another thought in punishing tears, fits, and pleading is that perhaps punishments for bad behavior and "whining" do not always work or make sense to a three-year-old. Does it frighten them more or give them stability and definition?

I just read a great article addressing another parent's concerns. I wanted to include an excerpt. While I'm not perfect and will likely be challenged at implementing these ideas, I did employ them this evening with some success....

Enjoy...

"I am a parent and a therapist who is not a believer in rewards and punishment as a means of discipline. The reward-and-punishment system does a poor job at teaching kids to be responsible for their own behavior; it makes parents responsible for it. It does not encourage personal decision-making by kids. It reinforces the notion that appropriate behavior is demanded only in an authority figure's presence. Punishment takes away respect and threatens the culprit with a loss of affection and approval. The punishment given is hardly ever related to the "crime."

I strongly favor an alternative called logical and natural consequences. This method encourages kids to be responsible for their own behavior while encouraging them to make decisions about appropriate behavior. Natural and logical consequences allow kids to learn from the natural and social order of the real world. Kids who refuse to eat get hungry. Kids who scream and kick when it's time to go outside to play are given the option to cooperate or show by their behavior that they are not ready to have fun. There's no power game here, the logical consequences fit the behavior and the child can "own" the outcome."

Toddler and Teenager Expert Advice from Carleton Kendrick, Ed.M., LCSW

I feel like I'm learning right along with him. Not only how the world works but how to do it with another adult, many ideas, a lot of patience, a lot of love, and a huge amount of understanding. This is certainly going to be a trip. Thanks Julian :)