It is 6:50 a.m. For all intensive purposes this is not that early. When you work evenings and don't get home until 11:30 and in bed until 1:30 a.m....6:50 a.m. seems a lot earlier. To modify that I'll begin by saying I've already been up for an hour. Not just a drag myself out of bed drowsy awake--but a wide-eyed, maybe I should do the dishes, already made Bobby's lunch and started coffee, fed the animals, let Sasha out, went out and checked to make sure car windows were rolled up for the rain, and now perhaps I should do the dishes kind of awake.
Some days I wake like this at 3 a.m. Some days it is 4 and then around 7 I'll finally doze back off to be awoken by Bobby's alarm. I'll push the snooze button three or four times urging him awake as I lay frozen in the solitary confinement of my own sleeplessness. Waking up this early should be a pleasant thing and perhaps I should start a routine of getting some of the things done that I haven't the energy for during the day--who knows. I wonder if it is my own internal clock preparing me for the early morning and late night feedings that are ahead of me. Maybe it is because this is when Oliver is most active and busies about my womb like its a gymnasium.
The cats like it. Me, I'm still not sure. Often this waking up early is accompanied by whatever is plaguing my mind at the moment. I lay wide-awake next to Bobby dreaming of a good reason to wake him up as well so that I can discuss my concerns with him. But this early in the morning? He'd respond like he did today, by burping, rolling over, and mumbling that I need to go back to sleep. I'll admit, I didn't wake him up--but I wasn't able to activate his mind of my concerns as easily as my own, not enough to stir his staying awake--what's another hour of sleep when your pregnant wife is anxious, lol.
It compels me to believe that maybe this type of worrying is something more commonly left to women. Most men--or at least the one's I know--wake up with their routines and go about their work day, come home to their routines and do this day in and out without seeming to have these sorts of anxieties. I think of my friend Sara who tends to wake up at 3 every day. Thus Sara has gotten in the habit of doing a few things around the house before dozing back off. I think of my Mom who could easily be found in her living room chair at 4 a.m. finishing up something from work that was on her mind. Is it that simple a conclusion--that I'm pre-wired to wake up at 6:00 a.m. today with more energy than what I have at 6 p.m.
It leaves me anxious for a few things...one: to have that baby around for feedings already, two: to be able to go for a run again, three: to have a cup of coffee in hand, four: to not have to work this evening, and finally: for this sort of clarity and communicativeness later in the day, not just when I'm alone and awake at 6 a.m. (and that begs the question, would anyone care to hear these concerns or should anyone hear these concerns but me in the first place?).
So...from my early morning post...Good Morning! To all of you waking up to your first cup of coffee--I commend you on a restful night well done.
Julian and I spent a couple hours at Potter's on campus taking photos, catching bugs, and running around barefoot. The focus wasn't photos but I managed to get a few good ones...ok, a lot. I have so many I couldn't choose and then of course now that I have I realize there are so many I left out. He is getting bigger by the second and when you go a few days without seeing him you can really notice the growth. He will be four in less than two months...He will be a big brother in less than two months...I have known his since he turned three...he was a toddler wearing pull-ups when we met, now he is a whitty, opinionated, and loving little boy. I just thought I would share.
